Today is Memorial Day. I’ve already done a successful tour of social media patriotism. I came back alive. Many were not so lucky. Luckily, we have today to remember our fallen. Please forgive me while I take offense to the entire charade.

We are in the middle of a worldwide uprising of bigoted nationalism, on the collision course for global climate catastrophe, and yet today will be filled with ostentatious pandering about freedom, sacrifice, more freedom, and of course, never-forgetism.

Let us never forget, our country has not fought a necessary war since World War II. That was about defeating a would-be global conqueror, who had already done some genuine conquering and was not going to stop. Every incursion since then has been politics or blatant imperialism. Many of our “fallen heroes” were simply out there protecting the freedom of economic exploitation in whatever region some rich dickhead decided there was more money to be made, and to that end, our “fallen” were definitely defending the freedom of rich dickheads to make even more money off of the United States Military’s multi-billion dollar budget.

To be clear, I certainly appreciate the freedoms we still have in this country in comparison to many other societies in this world. I genuinely appreciate the fact that many people have laid down their lives so that I may have my eight-hundred and fifty square foot castle, half an acre of land, Internet access, pickup truck, high mileage foreign car, multiple televisions, etc. etc. My great-great-great-great-great (or something like that...) grandfather fought in the Revolutionary War so that I might have this tiny slice of piece-of-mind pie. But on this Memorial Day, let us never forget all of the others who have died so that we might prosper.

All those foreign innocents killed by our weaponry, the citizens and their children who simply wanted the same things we want. A safe and happy place to live, love, grow old and die. All sacrificed in the name of our enduring freedom. Let us never forget the countless foreign workers, who’ve slaved in miserable conditions that have led to Bob knows how many deaths so that we might have all of the technology we deserve.

Let us never forget all of the animals and ecosystems we’ve sacrificed in the name of commerce and growth. Let us never forget those facilities that were built to replace nature so that we might have places to shop, as those facilities now sacrifice themselves to the future, an internet shopping jungle aptly named Amazon.

Let us never forget the Asian Americans, Native Americans, African Americans, and in general, poor people of all creeds and colors, whose lives were sacrificed in the building of this absurd capitalistic military industrial complex.

If I were to continue, and I certainly could, I’d be charging forth into beating the dead horse territory (Never forget the horse!). Thus, I will wrap this up with one last nod to my ever-enduring cynicism. Let us never forget the cynics, who forgo any opportunity to live happily in this country, nay this entire fucking world, in the name of truth, contempt, and Sisyphean wind-railing.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Three aborted fetuses walk into a bar. They would have been U.S. citizens with the opportunity for success, failure, paying taxes, and most importantly, consumerism. Instead, just as with their conception, their fate was determined outside of their own choosing. Lucky jerks.

While abortion rights have generally been the most divisive political tool of my lifetime, to my knowledge (and though I'm certain this is not original thought), I’ve never happened across the argument I’m about to lay out. Just recently, I saw information regarding the pro-life movement as a means of crowd control. The argument is logical, though I think it falls short of a grander motivation. It's true, forcing people to have babies they may not be able to afford, or simply should not have for any number of reasons, also helps keep millions upon millions of people subjugated by their financial overlords. And we know how our overlords get wet in their naughty parts whilst day dreaming about all of their delicious control, don’t we?

We sure do. But, I would argue the control factor is secondary to a greater lust. Yes, there is something that makes a capitalist monster's tits tingle even more than control: profit. In general, a Kingdom’s citizenry is its most valuable gross domestic product. That’s why the power players want those baby factories pumping the little shits down the conveyor. Money. So, while we continually point out the hypocrisy of the “right-to-lifers” who basically want to make sure every child is born, but don’t want to take care of humans that are already alive and need help, we need to stop being baffled by said hypocrisy. We need to recognize what a fantastic Trojan horse conservatism has built for itself.

Every baby born is an opportunity for those at the top of the financial food chain to make more money, including our government. First of all, child birth and rearing is big business. We all know this. Then those little shits grow up to be consumers and tax payers, just like you and me. Even if they grow up poor and stay poor, they still pay into the system in some form or fashion. The profit margins on the poor certainly aren’t as strong, but man, the poor sure are easy to bleed dry and dispose of.

Meanwhile, as we fight over abortion, the right hand if you will, no one will have time to watch what the GOP is doing with their left hand. It’s simple and brilliant. Even if Roe v. Wade is overturned, the GOP will just continue to convince their voting base the Dems are going to keep fighting for the right to kill those precious babies, which they will. And all the while, we the masses, whichever side of the fight we are on, remain this nation’s greatest gross domestic product. Rippin’ and runnin’, churnin’ and burnin’, spending, spending, spending, funneling that money all the way to the top, baby.

So, bring on those little consumer GDP babies. Each one is an opportunity for some douchenozzle like Jeffrey Preston Bezos or that robot Zuckerberg to take money from (let’s remember that the wealthy don’t have to be classically conservative to benefit from conservative rule…). Each new baby is a potential GOP voter and payer of taxes, and if they don’t turn out that way, just leave ‘em in the Pit of Despair.