I checked the internet this morning. In less than five minutes I was angry again. Humanity suckling at the teat of its own absurdity, reveling in meaningless nonsense while we torture one another and destroy the planet. Grifters praying on the weak-minded with their bullshit. Goddamn, if only the snake oil salesmen of yesteryear knew the generation they missed out on. Of course, many of these modern hucksters are powered by the same souls, recycled to give it another go because why the fuck not? Clearly your god has either abandoned us, is simply a voyeur douchebag, or has instituted some grand plan that requires human existence be an interminable fuckshow for his/her shits, giggles, and/or to fulfill their absurdist promise of eternal damnation or pleasure.
Full disclosure, I was once a child of faith. I was once a foolish rebel, a lover of the Confederate battle flag who was convinced I could display it with my own meaning, my own reasons of value, without any interest in supporting the reality of what it symbolized. The only racist bone in my body was dedicated to the French. I didn’t ask for this bone, but there it is, so I live it with it. Fuck the French.
I kid. I kid the French. They deserve it. We all do. Anyway, before I lose track…
Back to the religion and rebel flag garbage. All I can say is, thank the good lord Bob for LSD. If nothing else, LSD made me acutely aware of the unbridled scope of humankind’s hypocrisies, including my own (and the assumption I have more I can’t see). From the ingenious double-speak of the Bible, from which much of my early programming was designed, to the glaringly one-sided presentation of U.S. history.
Fuck, where am I going with this.
Oh…I logged on today. Within minutes, I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take the bullshit today. The lies, the stupidity, the hatefulness, but most of all, the grift. I swear, I can almost live with humans being stupid and hateful. Uncultured, misguided beasts who need reprogramming. I can forgive the idiot masses. I can’t forgive the grift.
The grift makes me sick. Every lie spewing day watching these money grabbing, soulless pieces of yak anus bleat into the ears of desperate, scared, gullible, hateful, sad, and in any other way you can think of, vulnerable people…I genuinely cannot adequately describe the hatred and anger it inspires within me. My whole life. My whole failed life and my whole moderately successful life are all driven by my contempt for this situation. I watch people have babies and I think, “How? How the fuck can you be dooming another child to this horror show?” I don’t mean to condemn all child birth, though I do think people should take a hard look at the current need for more children on this planet, the amount of kids they’re birthing, and the amount of kids already out there who need a home…but no, I don’t mean to condemn. I love kids. They really are our only hope. That each generation is somehow better than the one before. More evolved. More kind. I’m not condemning the want for family, I’m merely describing my gut, emotional reaction to seeing new children born. I’m not saying I’m right, I’m just saying…that’s how this world has affected my psyche.
Rambling again. Emotions spiked early due to coffee and these goddamn humans. What did my soul do to deserve this? What did any of us do to deserve this? And if you read this thinking, “Geez, what a bleak point of view,” well, I envy you.
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