On Climate Change

What I’m about write is intuitive for many people. In fact, let’s just make intuitive our word for the day. Here’s the thing, it’s a damn shame the discussion of climate change became political (not that everything doesn’t at some point…), because the mere concept that humanity’s ever-growing existence on this planet would affect our natural world, IE, potentially raise global temperatures and cause climate change, well, it’s simply intuitive. It’s logic my friends. I don’t need a scientist or a leftwing politician to explain it to me. All I have to do is think. Use my old reptilian brain goo. Let’s have a look.

First, humans are batteries. We’ve known this about us for years. I’m not certain which sci-fi book or film holds the honors of being the first to label us such, (hint, it was probably a book), but we’re batteries. We run at 98 degrees. That’s warm. It’s not particularly hot, no, but it ain’t cold! Our bodies put off heat, and in my lifetime, we’ve gone from 3 billion of those bodies to 8 billion. 8 billion! In less than 50 years, that’s 5 more billion bodies running around on this planet at 98 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s a very short span for a huge population jump. I mean the planet is billions of years old, and in 50 years we more than doubled an astronomical amount of species population. That’s extra heat, and we haven’t even discussed our lifestyles, technology, or the amount of other animal populations we’ve dramatically increased (though to be fair, we’ve balanced that out some by decimating other animal populations).

Twice as many people in my lifetime. Twice as many people using twice as many phones and cars and lawn mowers and hot water heaters and air conditioners and leaf blowers (goddam leaf blowers) and televisions, and on and on and on.  Do you see where I’m going with this? I’m sure the planet was like, “Oh sure, this is completely normal.”

Everything about human existence adds heat to this planet. (Okay, maybe not everything, but just shut up and play along, you get my point.) It’s intuitive. It’s logic. It doesn’t take a scientist or leftwing whackamole to explain this to me. I’m honestly not sure where else to go with this writing. Though I will say this: When I was a kid my home had four distinct seasons. We don’t anymore. That’s observation, holmes. I didn’t need to go on social media for some dipshit to explain this to me. Our climate is changing. We should take better care of the planet or it is going to fuck us right in the face. I mean, what would you do if something appeared to be trying to destroy you? Or even just make you sick? You kill that shit! You take medicine or chemotherapy or whatever you have to do and you kill that shit! What do you think the planet  is gonna do? You think the planet saw this coming? Huh? You think ol’ mother nature was just sitting around for billions of years shifting tectonic plates and having volcanoes and shit and was like, someday these assholes are gonna spread like a virus across my skin and I’ll be fine. Everything will just stay exactly the same.

See what I’m saying? It’s logic. Yes, the planet was fuckin shit up on its own. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t react to catalysts (ahem…cough…big ass meteor.) Ladies and gentlemen, we are a catalyst. We mine the land and throw our trash in the oceans and destroy forests. We build unnecessary shit. If we aren’t a catalyst, I don’t know what is.

Anyway, I think I’ve made my point. If you were sketchy before about whether or not we were causing this current change in our climate, please, just accept reality. I know it’s scary and trying to solve a problem this big is scary and a huge portion of you want to just give this up to the lord your gawd to fix, and I’m okay with that, I guess. Just stop lying to yourself about whether or not it’s real. And for fuck’s sake quit arguing about it on the internet.

End transmission.