Sidewalk Talk

I decided to start collecting litter when I'm out walking the dog. A cranky dude accosted me because little doggie and I were picking up street garbage while out for a hike on a beautiful day. I'm not sure why my desire to help out keeping our neighborhood offended him, but it did.

"What the fuck are you doing?" the unfortunately bitter dude said. "What are you some kind of Jerry Goodbody or something? Why don't you take your aardvark bars and your soy-nut shmelts and go fuck a koala."

"Look man," I said. "It's either this or I'm street jackin the whole time. I have to have something to do with my hands. It's a condition."

"Whatever, you nerdy bitch," he said. "I'm sick and tired of all you do-gooder pieces of shit trying to do good."

So I said, "I don't want to cause any trouble, but I get instantaneous erections when people are mean to me. You're gonna wanna get out of here."

He was not deterred. I ran away.