Why Conspiracy Theories are Stupid, Part 3: Everything’s a Conspiracy

Here we go again. Not that I couldn’t turn this into a daily series by simply apocalypse scrolling social media every morning (apocalypse scrolling is the next level up from doom scrolling, fyi…), but the recent deranged tomfuckery surrounding the 2024 Super Bowl is too much for me to ignore.

First of all, to be clear, those of us “in the know” have known for a long-ass time (almost as long as Taylor’s mom jean wearing white girl long ass) that Taylor Swift has had the NFL in her sites for a while. There are dozens of clues in her music, starting with the song “Fifteen” off her second album Fearless where repetition of the lyrics “night ends” “night ends” clearly rhymes with tight ends, an obvious play on words to foreshadow her desire to someday conquer the heart of a famous American pass catching football player. Not to mention you have to be fearless to play football or date a football player. Her plan was further made obvious by her lyrics “He's so tall and handsome as hell. He's so bad, but he does it so well.” from her “Wildest Dreams” track on the 1989 album. Lyrics clearly describing Travis Kelce. Anyway, you can piece this together with tracks from every other album she’s released (with a few single words that string together into a long poetic clue from the albums in between those every other albums) until her release of Midnights, clearly a concept album dedicated to TKel. Just look at those song titles! “Maroon.” “Anti-Hero.” “Vigilante Shit.” “Labyrinth.”

Are you kidding me right now? It’s farking obvious. TMK never had a chance. She was coming for him and there was nothing stopping the prophecy. By the way, it’s no accident Travis’ middle name is Michael, the archangel Old Testament advocate for Jewish folk, who we all know run the entire music industry that Taylor Swift actually controls. Just look at the highway signs people. The end is nigh. The only thing everyone was missing about Taylor Swift fixing the Super Bowl outcome was that it had to happen. Just wait until you find out why. I can’t tell you now. You have to wait until April 8th, exactly nine  minutes (nine is the sum of three, three times) after the solar eclipse reaches totality. But then you’ll see how this all lines up with the Atlantean calendar’s doomsday clock.

Anyway, do you see? Probably not, because sheeple are blind. They don’t see the writing on the clocks or the missing puzzle pieces. They don’t see how deep the state really gets, even though it was all quite clear in the conceptually funny but genuinely prophetic sketches of The State comedy series circa 1994, not so coincidentally the year NAFTA was established.

So just keep plugging along all day like your life isn’t being perpetually manipulated by the nano-tech in the bottled water you keep drinking, fools. Ignorance ain’t bliss. Just look at how you sheeple bleat.

And to those of you who know you are in the know, you clearly deciphered my headline cypher. Everything is a conspiracy (watch the libtard heads explode when they find out). Conspiracy theories are only stupid when they aren’t true, which means they can’t be stupid, because they’re clearly true when you know the truth is out there, in here, to be told, up for grabs, written by the winners, and followed by the signs. Stay sharp. Stay frosty. But most importantly, stay tuned. More to come…