Why I Identify as Alien

If you’re one of the twenty-or-so humans that pays attention to my nonsense, you likely already understand. I speak regularly with friends and acquaintances about just how bad things have become. I don’t want any part in this shit show, but here we are.

I’m hopeful, one day, to wake from this fever dream, alive and well on my home planet. My eyes will flash open and the history of my life will come flooding back to me. Family, friends. A peaceful world full of loving creatures. We’ve moved beyond petty tribal squabbles, having advanced into a culture dominated by empathy, artistic endeavors, and holistic living. Not humanity…I’ve deemed this an impossible future for the humans. No, this is me waking from my assignment.

I will remember my unfortunate choice, a volunteer life cycle among humanity, for scientific study of course. We thought it would be a good idea to remind ourselves of what insanity looks like. To remind ourselves why our species evolved past monetary based economic philosophy and deity based spiritual philosophy. To remind ourselves why we keep our planet hidden from the rest of existence.

I no longer weep for the humans. To continue emoting over a species determined to facefuck themselves into oblivion feels disingenuous. It feels like an act of narcissistic emotional self-martyrdom, to crawl over that Jesus-guy’s body up onto his cross and stare down in self-righteous self-satisfaction at the bloody entrails of a culture that has lost its Bob-damn mind.

I choose to identify as alien out of hope, a sense much closer to faith than belief, with “belief” the chosen expression of masses who don’t know shit. I choose to hope one day that I will wake up. This will all have been an experiment. I will be home where I belong. I will no longer be a strange alien stranded among a violent, insane race of creatures.

And to the peaceful humans, those I’ve witnessed live in shock of the world around them, unable to make this all go away, unable to make this world bend its knee to your calls for peace and love, you have my deepest sympathies. If this life is by design, you are better than what you’ve been given. If this life is the mere chaos of sentient existence sprung forth, you are better than what you’ve been given. Your nature is not to take, but to care. Thus, you were doomed by the more pervasive natures of your species from the beginning, ill-equipped to win the fight against man’s inherent evils. You were never going to be able to stop all of this violence without violence. It’s an extremely dirty trick.

Anyway, to all you peaceniks, please know you’re aliens too. Maybe someday we’ll wake up from this nightmare together.

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